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Navigating Grief as a Teen: Understanding the Dual Process Model

Writer's picture: Jesse KoskovickJesse Koskovick

Grief is a deeply personal and often overwhelming experience, especially for teens who are navigating so many other changes in their lives. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a major life transition, or even the end of a friendship, grief can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. The dual process model of grief offers a practical and relatable way to understand these feelings and provides a framework to help teens cope in a healthy way.



What is the Dual Process Model?

Developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut in the 1990s, the dual process model explains that grief isn’t a straightforward journey. Instead, it’s a dynamic process that balances two key ways of coping:


  1. Loss-Oriented Coping: This involves focusing on the pain of the loss. For teens, this might mean feeling sadness or anger, reflecting on memories, or expressing emotions through writing, music, or art.

  2. Restoration-Oriented Coping: This focuses on adjusting to life after the loss. Teens may have to adapt to new routines, take on different responsibilities, or find new ways to spend their time. It could also involve rediscovering hobbies or hanging out with friends to create a sense of normalcy.


The dual process model emphasizes that both ways of coping are important. Teens aren’t expected to dwell on their grief all the time, nor are they expected to bounce back immediately. Healing happens when they move between these two modes.


Oscillation: The Key to Healing

One of the most helpful aspects of the dual process model is the idea of oscillation—moving back and forth between focusing on the loss and focusing on rebuilding. For teens, this might look like crying over a memory one day and laughing with friends the next. Some days may feel harder than others, and that’s okay.

For example, a teen who has lost a parent might spend one evening looking through old family photos (loss-oriented) and the next morning attending soccer practice (restoration-oriented). Both activities are important and help them process their emotions in different ways.


Why the Dual Process Model Matters for Teens

Teens often experience pressure to handle grief in specific ways, whether from peers, family, or social expectations. They might feel like they need to “stay strong” or “move on” quickly. The dual process model challenges these ideas and reminds teens that it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions and to take their time healing.

For teens, the model validates their unique experiences and encourages balance. It’s okay to spend time mourning a loss and equally okay to enjoy moments of happiness or distraction. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to carry the loss while moving forward.


Tips for Teens Using the Dual Process Model

If you’re a teen dealing with grief, here are some ways to apply the dual process model to your life:

  1. Allow Yourself to Feel: It’s okay to be sad, angry, or confused. Let yourself experience these emotions without judgment. Cry, talk to someone, or express yourself creatively.

  2. Make Time for Fun: Give yourself permission to enjoy things, whether it’s playing video games, going to a party, or hanging out with friends. These moments are part of your healing.

  3. Talk to Someone You Trust: Share your feelings with a parent, teacher, counselor, or close friend. Sometimes just talking about what you’re going through can make a big difference.

  4. Balance Rest and Action: Some days you might need to focus on your feelings, like journaling or thinking about your loss. Other days, you might need to focus on practical things like homework or sports. Both are important.

  5. Seek Help if You’re Struggling: If you feel stuck or overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor or therapist. They can help you find ways to navigate your grief and feel more in control.


A Compassionate Path Forward for Teens

The dual process model reminds teens that grief doesn’t have to look a certain way. There’s no timeline for healing, and it’s okay to have good days and bad days. By balancing moments of reflection with moments of action, teens can find a path forward that honors their loss and supports their growth.


Grief is hard, but it’s also a part of life. With time, support, and self-compassion, teens can learn to carry their loss while discovering their strength.



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